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Description
Some days are better than others.
But the holidays without you are the worst.
You always wanted me to draw you stuff, and I hardly got around to it.
It was your birthday last week, and Christmas is coming up..
Happy (late) birthday, Momma.
I try really hard to be okay. I just don't understand so much.
I was just right across the hallway, you could have come to me anytime. You could have said something. You know I would have tried to help. I was so close. Why didn't you just talk to me.
I would give anything to be able to go in your room, sit on your bed, and talk about anything and nothing. I don't know what to do with knowing that I can never do that again.
I will never be able to sing terribly to karaoke with you again.
I can't call you when I've had a bad day, or when I have a silly question about adulting.
I don't get to see you smile outside of old pictures, or hear your laugh outside of old videos.
We can't go on our trips to walmart just to walk around and get out of the house.
I talk about you like your still here, like none of it ever happened.
I feel like I should have done more to prevent it. I should have been there more for you.

and It's not only me that's suffering.
Stephanie NEEDS you. She's only 15. Jantzen tries but he doesn't know what he's doing. He's not going to know how to handle her first love. Her first heartbreak. You left her before she had a chance to show you what a wonderful woman she's going to be.
Melanie needs you. Not like Stephanie, but my god she's a mess..
Jennifer needs you too. But She's lowkey always been a mess, so..

And your grandbabies..
Sophia doesn't talk about you much anymore. But I know Ariel misses her Grammy.

I don't know how to wrap my head around the fact that you had chose this.
Sometimes the pain is like it happened yesterday.. It's unreal and it doesn't seem to get easier.

But it's okay, don't worry. As much as it hurts, I will be alright. I always am, right?
Goat has helped a lot, and I know you really liked him. And Bae, he tries his best.
As for my sisters.. They've got a long road, but they will be okay too.

I miss you.

Description
Some days are better than others.
But the holidays without you are the worst.
You always wanted me to draw you stuff, and I hardly got around to it.
It was your birthday last week, and Christmas is coming up..
Happy (late) birthday, Momma.
I try really hard to be okay. I just don't understand so much.
I was just right across the hallway, you could have come to me anytime. You could have said something. You know I would have tried to help. I was so close. Why didn't you just talk to me.
I would give anything to be able to go in your room, sit on your bed, and talk about anything and nothing. I don't know what to do with knowing that I can never do that again.
I will never be able to sing terribly to karaoke with you again.
I can't call you when I've had a bad day, or when I have a silly question about adulting.
I don't get to see you smile outside of old pictures, or hear your laugh outside of old videos.
We can't go on our trips to walmart just to walk around and get out of the house.
I talk about you like your still here, like none of it ever happened.
I feel like I should have done more to prevent it. I should have been there more for you.

and It's not only me that's suffering.
Stephanie NEEDS you. She's only 15. Jantzen tries but he doesn't know what he's doing. He's not going to know how to handle her first love. Her first heartbreak. You left her before she had a chance to show you what a wonderful woman she's going to be.
Melanie needs you. Not like Stephanie, but my god she's a mess..
Jennifer needs you too. But She's lowkey always been a mess, so..

And your grandbabies..
Sophia doesn't talk about you much anymore. But I know Ariel misses her Grammy.

I don't know how to wrap my head around the fact that you had chose this.
Sometimes the pain is like it happened yesterday.. It's unreal and it doesn't seem to get easier.

But it's okay, don't worry. As much as it hurts, I will be alright. I always am, right?
Goat has helped a lot, and I know you really liked him. And Bae, he tries his best.
As for my sisters.. They've got a long road, but they will be okay too.

I miss you.